Destiny
by ariestess
Summary: Let me live my life. You won't like the consequences if you don't. Series: Part 8 of the Adsum, Domine series
A/N: Okay, this was the strangest one I've written in this series. I'm not surprised that Damien was the final fic in this series at all. It's seems apropos, really. That it would be a whole monologue of Damien ranting at God was not what I was expecting to be writing, but it makes sense, and it's reminiscent of the pilot, so I went with it. I love that this show can make me work for the creativity and lets me use my biblical knowledge at the same time.

Dedication: Glen Mazzara, for creating the characters; Bradley James, for bringing the character to life; and my muses, for always keeping me on my toes.

Series: Part 8 of the _Adsum, Domine_ series

Please see profile for Disclaimers.

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What has my life become? What did I do to deserve this?

You think I'm just going to willingly be Your pawn in this battle with Satan? Is that how this is supposed to go down? You take me out just like You took out Your own son and it somehow saves all of humanity? No, I don't think so. I didn't do anything to earn this life. I want to have choices in what happens to me, okay? Plus there's that little issue of a lot of these bastards not deserving a second chance at life and heaven and all that shit.

It's not fair that I should suffer like this, or cause all this suffering for others. The world is fucked up enough as it is; You don't need to be adding to that, okay? It's not like a whole lot of people really believe in You anymore anyway. With all of the suffering and destruction and deceit in the world, it's little wonder that they all consider You a dead god. They're just going through the motions. Why can't anyone see that and just admit the truth of it? Why can't _You_ see that?

What was the point of Noah's rainbow, Abraham's aborted sacrifice of Isaac, Jesus' crucifixion, and so many other supposed promises and miracles in the Bible? Were they all situational to the times they happened in? Is that it? Then what the fuck is the miracle for now? What's going to destroy the golden calf this time and call Your flock back to Your protective and loving embrace? Hmm? Please, take Your time and let me know. I've got all the time in the world to wait.

Oh, that's right! I don't, do I? No, Your flock wants me dead. Whether it's because they despise me or worship me, well, that really doesn't matter, does it? They want me dead because _You_ want me dead. Or because You want me alive. I'm still a little fuzzy on that distinction right now.

See, I've been reading the Bible a lot lately. Probably more than I ever have in my entire life, to be completely honest. Especially the Book of Revelations. That is some pretty deep shit right there. Did You know that? Do You have any idea how twisted some of Your followers are? The research I've found says that they may have been talking about Nero, of all people, not me. But nobody wants it to be Nero anymore because he's a long dead tyrannical leader who deserved to die for his fucked up shit. He's ancient history to modern society, and has been considered so for well over a millennium now. He's as dead as the relevancy of Your religion.

And speaking of Your religion, which one is it? I mean, there's Catholicism, Orthodox Christianity, all of the offshoot branches like Protestants, Lutherans, Episcopalians, and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few others there. And then you have Judaism and the Muslim faith. I gotta hand it to You for cornering the market on religion. Yes, there are others that are as big or bigger than individual parts, but the overall combination is pretty overwhelming.

Maybe that's what it was. You couldn't handle all of the people praying and begging and whining for something better in their lives instead of working for it. Is that what happened? You chose to just check out and let Your appointed representatives take over for a while? Isn't that what caused issues like Sodom and Gomorrah and that whole flood thing?

You know, I've watched people commit such atrocities against other people and justify their violent depravities in _Your_ name. How in the hell can You just sit by and let them happen? Do You really just not care anymore? Because if that's the case, maybe I _should_ take on this whole Antichrist thing and just raise holy hell on the seven billion other people living on this planet. Just do like Revelations said and release those ten men with their ten armies to slaughter off the unworthy and usher in that age of enlightenment and power that people like Ann Rutledge crave more than life itself.

Is that what You want?

I tried to kill myself over all of this insanity, but somehow I wasn't even allowed to die. Booze, carbon monoxide, and enough morphine to take down a bull elephant, but I'm still here. Some would say that's Your will, some would say it's the Devil's. How in the hell am I supposed to know which it is? Every time I think I find someone that might be a little sane and a beacon of normalcy, they either end up dead or just as bat shit crazy as the sick fucks like Charles Powell or the inmates in the psych ward. Do You have any idea what it was like to be stuck between dueling Jesus freaks? Wait, that's not exactly right. They were fighting over the fact that they each thought they were Jesus, Your son. And one of them even was kind enough to tell me that I should kill myself and put the world out of its misery. Like I said, You've got some fucked up followers and I want no part of it.

But apparently I don't have any easy _get out of jail free_ card here. My shrink was another of the sick fucks that worship me, just like Charles was. He was in love with me, he killed for me, and eventually he died for me at the hands of another zealous Antichrist follower.

And then there's Ann Rutledge. What in the hell did You do to turn her into such a creepily devoted disciple of mine. I mean, what else can I call her? You've made quite sure that I'm supposed to follow some similar plan to Jesus with his ministry. That old woman in Damascus baptizing me in blood and saying the words You said when John the Baptist baptized Jesus? That was some inspired, fucked up shit. Or was that not Your doing? Was that Satan's? Or does He prefer to be called Lucifer? I'm kind of fuzzy on that, too. Anyway, wasn't He one of Your precious angels once upon a time? And You let Him have free will to fall and become what He is now. You _let_ Him have free will. Why won't You, either of You, afford me the same courtesy? Why do I have to be a pawn in what is _clearly_ a family feud between the two of You?

Let me live my life. You won't like the consequences if you don't.


End file.
